Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Felix on Thu Apr 29, 2010 3:57 pm
name: Felix
The town was in utter ruins. I found myself in one of several floating platforms making what was battleon but now it was utter chaos. Burning buildings, lots of rubble. burnt and burning trees and in the distance I saw what i feared was the cause of this madness.
"void of miltonius.." I muttered. "I knew it would get out of hand."
there were probably 50 of them marching through the rubble in synchronization (I had no idea I would spell that correctly on my 1st attempt!). They where heading my way so I stepped back quickly with a shocked face I turned around and starting running on the small floating platform I was on until I tripped over a brown long package. On it was a note reading
meet me at the ruins of swordhaven castle. if you run in to trouble, this could be of use.
I opened up the package to reveal my cloak, cape, claymore blade and katana. I put on the cloak tied on my cape, placed the claymore in the compartment attached to the cloak on my back and picked up my katana.
I jumped of my platform and landed on the next, running to the ruins, of swordhaven castle.
I realise it is short but I'm low on insparation. at the moment.
Try Again. You've got a couple of areas to work on.
~Flawsie
The town was in utter ruins. I found myself in one of several floating platforms making what was battleon but now it was utter chaos. Burning buildings, lots of rubble. burnt and burning trees and in the distance I saw what i feared was the cause of this madness.
"void of miltonius.." I muttered. "I knew it would get out of hand."
there were probably 50 of them marching through the rubble in synchronization (I had no idea I would spell that correctly on my 1st attempt!). They where heading my way so I stepped back quickly with a shocked face I turned around and starting running on the small floating platform I was on until I tripped over a brown long package. On it was a note reading
meet me at the ruins of swordhaven castle. if you run in to trouble, this could be of use.
I opened up the package to reveal my cloak, cape, claymore blade and katana. I put on the cloak tied on my cape, placed the claymore in the compartment attached to the cloak on my back and picked up my katana.
I jumped of my platform and landed on the next, running to the ruins, of swordhaven castle.
I realise it is short but I'm low on insparation. at the moment.
Try Again. You've got a couple of areas to work on.
~Flawsie
Felix- Member
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Age: 1
Location: I come from a land down under.. 
Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Satus on Sun May 16, 2010 1:03 am
Name: Satus
Example:
Xar listened to her words, her explanations... His judgment of her had faded, but he could see that she held guilt over it all. He knew that she had done what she had to... Mianor was a dark place...
"You are as immortal as I, my lady, we are ageless, but death comes for us all. Perhaps, mortal is not the correct word, but you have certainly become more killable... I suppose there is a better word, however, it has escaped my vocabulary." He defended his statement, sadly serious in its implications. She gestured for the other man to come closer, Genshu. He realized now who, or rather what, this man was; the beast of light. A Roc then, but there was something familiar about him. "It has been, you have changed much, while am still but a man. No harm done, you were only doing your duty. I would have been inclined to do the same in your position." His words attempting to relieve the creature.
It was easy to understand the woman's motivations, as well as sympathize with them. When his father had fought in the Plague War of Diarach, it had not been for the city, but to protect his wife, and eventually their unborn child. "A child is a delicate and beautiful thing, you did what was most important to you, and I can ask no less, do not feel sorry for us, our pride is what killed us, not your absence." Words of sincerity attempted aid her relinquishing of guilt. "I would counter, but I was hardly an ally; I was too wrapped up in my own convoluted and egotistic suicide to be of any true help..." He cursed himself for surrendering to his ailment.
The next string of words unnerved him, Mianor continued to haunt people; like a poltergeist, it clung to the energies that were rightly the Goddess's. This somewhat angered him, though not enough to show. She spoke of righting the wrongs of her past, and he remembered... "So you wish to make things right? It is much too late for the kingdom, but this land... There are things in motion that would disgust you... I have heard things, dark things. While I sip my ale. While I travel the roads. While I seek shelter in the cities. There is talk of decay in the far east, in the nation of Morrim, and within it, there lies a political debacle of great circumstance. I have noticed actions taken by a man, or some form of one anyway, that could prove... Sinister, I suppose. Perhaps with your magics you could attempt to aid in this turmoil? That might prove redeeming."
Approved
~Flawsie
Example:
Xar listened to her words, her explanations... His judgment of her had faded, but he could see that she held guilt over it all. He knew that she had done what she had to... Mianor was a dark place...
"You are as immortal as I, my lady, we are ageless, but death comes for us all. Perhaps, mortal is not the correct word, but you have certainly become more killable... I suppose there is a better word, however, it has escaped my vocabulary." He defended his statement, sadly serious in its implications. She gestured for the other man to come closer, Genshu. He realized now who, or rather what, this man was; the beast of light. A Roc then, but there was something familiar about him. "It has been, you have changed much, while am still but a man. No harm done, you were only doing your duty. I would have been inclined to do the same in your position." His words attempting to relieve the creature.
It was easy to understand the woman's motivations, as well as sympathize with them. When his father had fought in the Plague War of Diarach, it had not been for the city, but to protect his wife, and eventually their unborn child. "A child is a delicate and beautiful thing, you did what was most important to you, and I can ask no less, do not feel sorry for us, our pride is what killed us, not your absence." Words of sincerity attempted aid her relinquishing of guilt. "I would counter, but I was hardly an ally; I was too wrapped up in my own convoluted and egotistic suicide to be of any true help..." He cursed himself for surrendering to his ailment.
The next string of words unnerved him, Mianor continued to haunt people; like a poltergeist, it clung to the energies that were rightly the Goddess's. This somewhat angered him, though not enough to show. She spoke of righting the wrongs of her past, and he remembered... "So you wish to make things right? It is much too late for the kingdom, but this land... There are things in motion that would disgust you... I have heard things, dark things. While I sip my ale. While I travel the roads. While I seek shelter in the cities. There is talk of decay in the far east, in the nation of Morrim, and within it, there lies a political debacle of great circumstance. I have noticed actions taken by a man, or some form of one anyway, that could prove... Sinister, I suppose. Perhaps with your magics you could attempt to aid in this turmoil? That might prove redeeming."
Approved
~Flawsie
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Felix on Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:43 pm
name: Felix
The sky was dark, and not a star in sight, Felix could see a rock of Westion floating in the sky, but after putting the scenery behind him, Felix ran with his black cloak dancing behind him. He quickly skimmed past battleon and its buildings, past the guardian tower into greenguard forest.
After many cuts from trees bights from bugs and zard encounters he reached the inconspicuous inn. Felix checked his cloak and made sure he was wearing everything properly then walked inside and sat at the north east table, like he was told as Felix waited he looked around, something didn't feel right, the anonymous stranger should be here by now. He ringed a bell at his table and started making the shadows in his hand dance freely, he looked up, waiting for a waiter so he could order a smoothie until he an he realized, everyone was gone he got out of his seat and walked to the center of the room, where a smoothie sat on the table, he looked inside the smoothie bottle.
Damn.
But before he could react it was too late...
.:Juliana:.
You've got a lot of typos, and your grammar isn't great. I recommend that you work on proper spelling, capitalization, past tense, and comma placement. Try again, please?
The sky was dark, and not a star in sight, Felix could see a rock of Westion floating in the sky, but after putting the scenery behind him, Felix ran with his black cloak dancing behind him. He quickly skimmed past battleon and its buildings, past the guardian tower into greenguard forest.
After many cuts from trees bights from bugs and zard encounters he reached the inconspicuous inn. Felix checked his cloak and made sure he was wearing everything properly then walked inside and sat at the north east table, like he was told as Felix waited he looked around, something didn't feel right, the anonymous stranger should be here by now. He ringed a bell at his table and started making the shadows in his hand dance freely, he looked up, waiting for a waiter so he could order a smoothie until he an he realized, everyone was gone he got out of his seat and walked to the center of the room, where a smoothie sat on the table, he looked inside the smoothie bottle.
Damn.
But before he could react it was too late...
.:Juliana:.
You've got a lot of typos, and your grammar isn't great. I recommend that you work on proper spelling, capitalization, past tense, and comma placement. Try again, please?
Felix- Member
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Lady Morri on Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:20 pm
Name: Lady Morri
Example:
Laurence moved slowly through the forest and stopped when he say a fairy wisp fly by. He quickly threw out a skeletal hand and caught the thing. He closed his fist and killed the thing, then brought it back to life with some lower level necrotic magic. The small undead fairy flew over his head and then landed on his shoulder. He reached over and broke the thing's bones, freeing its soul. He burnt the remains to a cinder and held the dust and intact wings in his hand.
He turned and headed farther through the forest, turning into a human as he went. He spotted Melden, apparently on his way out as well, as he walked and nodded to acknowledge his presence. He walked by him and moved towards the school. He sensed a predator nearby, but he ignored it. Any animals would simply smell his scent as rotting flesh and bone. He wasn't alive, not in the literal sense anyway. He approached the school and spotted Doc standing very near a tree branch. He turned his head up to address her with a 'business like' smile. "Hello again Doc, do you have something for me?"
.:Juliana:.
Impressive. Short, but exactly what ARP should be. Approved.
Example:
Laurence moved slowly through the forest and stopped when he say a fairy wisp fly by. He quickly threw out a skeletal hand and caught the thing. He closed his fist and killed the thing, then brought it back to life with some lower level necrotic magic. The small undead fairy flew over his head and then landed on his shoulder. He reached over and broke the thing's bones, freeing its soul. He burnt the remains to a cinder and held the dust and intact wings in his hand.
He turned and headed farther through the forest, turning into a human as he went. He spotted Melden, apparently on his way out as well, as he walked and nodded to acknowledge his presence. He walked by him and moved towards the school. He sensed a predator nearby, but he ignored it. Any animals would simply smell his scent as rotting flesh and bone. He wasn't alive, not in the literal sense anyway. He approached the school and spotted Doc standing very near a tree branch. He turned his head up to address her with a 'business like' smile. "Hello again Doc, do you have something for me?"
.:Juliana:.
Impressive. Short, but exactly what ARP should be. Approved.
Lady Morri- Member
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Arch Fiend on Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:41 am
name: arch fiend/soler flare/kera
example:
It was a time and place where few things happened, life was slow, easy. Religion was life for the young to old, what they lived for and there greatest means for social contact. It was this time, a time where there was no adventure, no knights, no wars, where a small boy was born, angry at the existence he lived in and craving escape and power.
It was another casual day for the town of Harrowood everyone was set to there daily routine they had practiced for century’s, farmers were in there fields plowing, children were at home or church learning, wives sat at home cleaning or fixing things, the elderly sat and talked of yesterday, all except young Headrow Thrift. Headrow Thrift hated the town with a passion, he loved to pull pranks and interfere with everyone’s daily business. He was a practitioner of the random and a master of all things that went astray in Harrowood. Be it tipping cows, slipping salamanders into teachers desks, letting caterpillars lose into fields, and engraving profanity into village house sidings. If something went wrong, best bet Headrow was to blame. But today, today headrow would go to the point of no return and unlock true discord.
Near the village of Harrowood was a deep dark forest full of dead mangled branches that literally swept down from there tops and mangled at there bases together to form tight walls to keep things out or in, Headrow after already being scalded by his mother for putting an egg under his grandpas bed sheets left his home in search for an escape from all the “boredom” that existed in his life. He had heard once of the midnight forest from a traveler whom he met while not doing his daily chores, he heard from the man that the forest its self is so frightening from the outside no one has ever dared enter to find what actually there is to fear. This sounded like the only way to end his predictable life as a normal boy and see worlds never before charted, a chance Headrow would give his life for.
So Headrow began to make his plans
“First ill need previsions, food, water, probably rope, and something to fight with just incase I actually DO find something dangerous there.” He thought to himself. So he filled his waterskin, stole a kid’s lunch at school, and took his fathers hunting knife in a backpack with his food and water in it. He scoured his neighbors barn looking for some rope till he found some and coiled it up into his bag, he was about to leave before his brother had noticed he had left and went looking for him. His brother was a slow calm younger lad whom Headrow deemed slow to the level of stupid, his name was William and he was not slow for stupid reasons but he was wise and took his time on everything he had put to him. William found Headrow just after Headrow had left the barn and confronted him.
“Hey brother, what are you doing with so much stuff?” asked William.
“I am finally going to leave the rut of the life you live and the rest of this ignorant town and set out on an adventure for fame and fortune.” Proclaimed Headrow.
“Oh brother Headrow, How will you do that?” William asked.
“I plan to enter the midnight forest and clam any wealth I can find for myself and become a hero!”
.:Juli:.
You have a few small errors, but your concept is great and this is far and away the best thing I've ever seen you write grammatically. It's close to perfect. Welcome to the ARP!
example:
It was a time and place where few things happened, life was slow, easy. Religion was life for the young to old, what they lived for and there greatest means for social contact. It was this time, a time where there was no adventure, no knights, no wars, where a small boy was born, angry at the existence he lived in and craving escape and power.
It was another casual day for the town of Harrowood everyone was set to there daily routine they had practiced for century’s, farmers were in there fields plowing, children were at home or church learning, wives sat at home cleaning or fixing things, the elderly sat and talked of yesterday, all except young Headrow Thrift. Headrow Thrift hated the town with a passion, he loved to pull pranks and interfere with everyone’s daily business. He was a practitioner of the random and a master of all things that went astray in Harrowood. Be it tipping cows, slipping salamanders into teachers desks, letting caterpillars lose into fields, and engraving profanity into village house sidings. If something went wrong, best bet Headrow was to blame. But today, today headrow would go to the point of no return and unlock true discord.
Near the village of Harrowood was a deep dark forest full of dead mangled branches that literally swept down from there tops and mangled at there bases together to form tight walls to keep things out or in, Headrow after already being scalded by his mother for putting an egg under his grandpas bed sheets left his home in search for an escape from all the “boredom” that existed in his life. He had heard once of the midnight forest from a traveler whom he met while not doing his daily chores, he heard from the man that the forest its self is so frightening from the outside no one has ever dared enter to find what actually there is to fear. This sounded like the only way to end his predictable life as a normal boy and see worlds never before charted, a chance Headrow would give his life for.
So Headrow began to make his plans
“First ill need previsions, food, water, probably rope, and something to fight with just incase I actually DO find something dangerous there.” He thought to himself. So he filled his waterskin, stole a kid’s lunch at school, and took his fathers hunting knife in a backpack with his food and water in it. He scoured his neighbors barn looking for some rope till he found some and coiled it up into his bag, he was about to leave before his brother had noticed he had left and went looking for him. His brother was a slow calm younger lad whom Headrow deemed slow to the level of stupid, his name was William and he was not slow for stupid reasons but he was wise and took his time on everything he had put to him. William found Headrow just after Headrow had left the barn and confronted him.
“Hey brother, what are you doing with so much stuff?” asked William.
“I am finally going to leave the rut of the life you live and the rest of this ignorant town and set out on an adventure for fame and fortune.” Proclaimed Headrow.
“Oh brother Headrow, How will you do that?” William asked.
“I plan to enter the midnight forest and clam any wealth I can find for myself and become a hero!”
.:Juli:.
You have a few small errors, but your concept is great and this is far and away the best thing I've ever seen you write grammatically. It's close to perfect. Welcome to the ARP!
Arch Fiend- The Epic Knight
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User Points: 72163
Location: Epic -
Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Felix on Sat Jun 19, 2010 1:16 pm
Here we go again! A different story this time as well.
Name: Felix
The dark shadowy figure darted through the woods, using all of his known shortcuts to reach TR. The wind was cold and was whipping his skin, but that wasn't enough to distract Felix. He had an urgent message to deliver and couldn't waste time. Well, almost couldn't waste time, until there was a rustle in a nearby bush. "What was that?" Felix thought to himself. Felix took a few steps towards the mysterious bush and drew his sword from the holster on his back. He then jumped into the bush, wildly thrashing his claymore around.
"I'M A DREAD WEAVER THE LAST OF MY KIND TO AND I'LL TORMENT YOU TO MADNESS IF YOU DON'T COME OUT RIGHT NOW!!!" Felix wildly shouted then realized there was nothing in the bush.
"Oh," Felix said to himself. Noticing his developing insanity, Felix quickly ran deeper into the cold depths of Greenguard Forest.
~Rage~
Looks fine.
Approved
Name: Felix
The dark shadowy figure darted through the woods, using all of his known shortcuts to reach TR. The wind was cold and was whipping his skin, but that wasn't enough to distract Felix. He had an urgent message to deliver and couldn't waste time. Well, almost couldn't waste time, until there was a rustle in a nearby bush. "What was that?" Felix thought to himself. Felix took a few steps towards the mysterious bush and drew his sword from the holster on his back. He then jumped into the bush, wildly thrashing his claymore around.
"I'M A DREAD WEAVER THE LAST OF MY KIND TO AND I'LL TORMENT YOU TO MADNESS IF YOU DON'T COME OUT RIGHT NOW!!!" Felix wildly shouted then realized there was nothing in the bush.
"Oh," Felix said to himself. Noticing his developing insanity, Felix quickly ran deeper into the cold depths of Greenguard Forest.
~Rage~
Looks fine.
Approved
Felix- Member
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by InvadersFromDeepSpace on Fri Jun 25, 2010 9:17 am
I'm Nuke.
This story is made because I have been challenged to apply here with a story about monkey poop.
This story starts with Red. Red is the master of Pokemon and a rebel against the evil Nukian Empire. He is in a room with a bird cage on his left, glass doors on the other side of the room, and computers to his right. His clothes are Red and he is holding an Aipom in his hand. An Aipom is a pokemon that looks like a purple monkey.
Suddenly, the batman symbol appears to him in the distance and then it becomes larger until it is apparent that the symbol is moving towards him.
The glass doors break and it turns out to be Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, glamously gliding using his epic coat, and he has two constipated monkeys.
He says "Yu-Gi-Oh is much better than Pokemon!"
Red counters this by saying "Other way around, fool!"
Kaiba shoots solid poo poo at Red, who counters with Aipom slapping it away and into the bird cage! Red jumps at Kaiba, making a dramatic jump sequence while Kaiba jumps to hide behind the bird cage.
Then Red chases him and fires liquid poop all over him, while he shouts "SPARE ME I JUST HAD THIS COAT WASHED!"
Red then says "Well, you shouldn't have played dirty."
TO BE CONTINUED.
Even though the story is very odd, there were nearly no grammatical errors, and a decent plot, so,
~Leppyapproved~
Erik
Your First Approval XD ~Icey
Actually, second, I made an ARP approval :P
This story is made because I have been challenged to apply here with a story about monkey poop.
This story starts with Red. Red is the master of Pokemon and a rebel against the evil Nukian Empire. He is in a room with a bird cage on his left, glass doors on the other side of the room, and computers to his right. His clothes are Red and he is holding an Aipom in his hand. An Aipom is a pokemon that looks like a purple monkey.
Suddenly, the batman symbol appears to him in the distance and then it becomes larger until it is apparent that the symbol is moving towards him.
The glass doors break and it turns out to be Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, glamously gliding using his epic coat, and he has two constipated monkeys.
He says "Yu-Gi-Oh is much better than Pokemon!"
Red counters this by saying "Other way around, fool!"
Kaiba shoots solid poo poo at Red, who counters with Aipom slapping it away and into the bird cage! Red jumps at Kaiba, making a dramatic jump sequence while Kaiba jumps to hide behind the bird cage.
Then Red chases him and fires liquid poop all over him, while he shouts "SPARE ME I JUST HAD THIS COAT WASHED!"
Red then says "Well, you shouldn't have played dirty."
TO BE CONTINUED.
Even though the story is very odd, there were nearly no grammatical errors, and a decent plot, so,
~Leppyapproved~
Erik
Your First Approval XD ~Icey
Actually, second, I made an ARP approval :P
InvadersFromDeepSpace- All your clans are belong to us.
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Robaldo on Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:36 pm
Name: Robaldo
EX. This is a story to explain how i became the bartender of TR
It was a dark and storming night as the members of TR filled into Yulgar’s inn. Vamp had decided it was finally time to try recruiting Yulgar into TR in order to finally gain a bartender for the castle.
“So have you finally decided to take my offer?” inquired Vamp.
“No” calmly replied Yulgar.
“Why not, I’m begging you.”
Yulgar then shouted, “Because you only serve TR ale!”
As the arguing to decide whether or not Yulgar would become the bartender for TR reached its climax, a man dressed in a giant red and black cloak fell in through the door.
“Who is that?” cried Peregrine.
“I don’t know!” replied Crystal Lion.
“Oh my god he seems to be bleeding through his cloak, quick someone help him.”
As the group from TR and Yulgar began to cut away at the man’s cloak they began to see black and red feathers littering the ground.
“What the hell is with all of these feathers?”
As soon as the question had been asked, the team finally ripped through the last layer of clothes. In a flash the people around him jumped back to avoid being hit by two massive, black, bird-like wings that were extending from the man’s back.
“Who and what the hell is he?”
“I’ll tell you who he is, he’s our new bartender!” proudly replied Vamp.
…. And that my friends, is how I became the bartender of TR.
The story is fine, but unfortunately you have some problems with missing punctuation and capitalization. It appears you miss periods every once in a while, such as after you said Crystal Lion, or after the non-capitalized Peregrine. Plus, you have the occasional comma splice missing. Just fix up your grammatical mistakes and you'll be in.
~Try Again~
~Erik~
i fixed everything but the comma splicing since i have no idea what that means, does it mean i need to add some more commas that are missing?
It means you either forgot commas between two connecting thoughts, or you misused a semi-colon where comma should be. Or both. Yeah, probably both.
ok i believe i have fixed up those as well now
Alright, with those fixed, its much better. Make sure you continue working on those. With those fixed,
~LeppyApproved~
Remember to proofread through everything after you write it as well. With all of those changes made, this is now a solid piece of writing.
EX. This is a story to explain how i became the bartender of TR
It was a dark and storming night as the members of TR filled into Yulgar’s inn. Vamp had decided it was finally time to try recruiting Yulgar into TR in order to finally gain a bartender for the castle.
“So have you finally decided to take my offer?” inquired Vamp.
“No” calmly replied Yulgar.
“Why not, I’m begging you.”
Yulgar then shouted, “Because you only serve TR ale!”
As the arguing to decide whether or not Yulgar would become the bartender for TR reached its climax, a man dressed in a giant red and black cloak fell in through the door.
“Who is that?” cried Peregrine.
“I don’t know!” replied Crystal Lion.
“Oh my god he seems to be bleeding through his cloak, quick someone help him.”
As the group from TR and Yulgar began to cut away at the man’s cloak they began to see black and red feathers littering the ground.
“What the hell is with all of these feathers?”
As soon as the question had been asked, the team finally ripped through the last layer of clothes. In a flash the people around him jumped back to avoid being hit by two massive, black, bird-like wings that were extending from the man’s back.
“Who and what the hell is he?”
“I’ll tell you who he is, he’s our new bartender!” proudly replied Vamp.
…. And that my friends, is how I became the bartender of TR.
The story is fine, but unfortunately you have some problems with missing punctuation and capitalization. It appears you miss periods every once in a while, such as after you said Crystal Lion, or after the non-capitalized Peregrine. Plus, you have the occasional comma splice missing. Just fix up your grammatical mistakes and you'll be in.
~Try Again~
~Erik~
i fixed everything but the comma splicing since i have no idea what that means, does it mean i need to add some more commas that are missing?
It means you either forgot commas between two connecting thoughts, or you misused a semi-colon where comma should be. Or both. Yeah, probably both.
ok i believe i have fixed up those as well now
Alright, with those fixed, its much better. Make sure you continue working on those. With those fixed,
~LeppyApproved~
Remember to proofread through everything after you write it as well. With all of those changes made, this is now a solid piece of writing.
Robaldo- Member
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Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Tim Hortans on Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:14 am
Tim Hortans
/cool
Alright *Cracks Knuckles* Let's do this... Ummm... I'll find a character... Meh, what the heck, I'll make one up! It's a quicky about Eashe and Rai, brothers who venture from town to town, killing off adventurers, and a scythe master who controls the element of electricity.
---
A cold breeze whipped across Battleon, leaving a wary sense of danger on everyone in the town. Movement was slow and careful, and unnaturally quiet for a stop filled with adventurers. While everyone walked about at a crawling pace, people could wonder what was happening. Yet all at once, their question could be answered by two, young rogues.
They stood at the top of Yulgar's inn, sipping on berry mugs absently. One was polishing his jet black daggers while he drank, while the other was stringing his bow. They seemed innocent enough, though they did have an unhealthy glow around them, as if there was a higher, more evil presence watching over them. The first of the two finished his mug, set it down, and observed his daggers for a moment. He mumbled out a prayer of his god, and stood up.
A blast of wind met him as he stood, and his leather armor rippled. The sheathes that would hold his daggers shifted with the wind, mimicking the movements his short brown hair was making. A strand fell over his face, and covered one eye, which he lazily brushed away, staring at the town beneath him. The second rogue looked up, remarking his partner had stood. He followed suit, unfinished berry mug in one hand, newly strung bow in the other. He wore no shirt, but his body was covered in white bandages. He wore baggy black shorts which flowed out in the wind. His hair was buzzed off, showing off his dark, gray eyes. A quiver was slung around his back, undisturbed by the wind that had since passed.
They both paused for one moment, observing the town in silence, before the first rogue sighed and broke the silence.
"Shame, I just cleaned my daggers..."
With that, an arrow was drawn and the string of his bow loaded and pulled back. The tip of the arrow was aimed with precision towards a random man in the crowd. The rogue let the arrow go, and one second later, a thud sounded, and the entire area went silent. Within a second, another arrow was let loose, and a second thud sounded. At this point, the area had recovered from it's daze, and began running away screaming. A third arrow was loaded, and the string drew back, before the two rogues met eyes. Without letting the arrow move an inch, he spoke.
"Well, get going Eashe.." He mumbled smugly. Eashe stuck out his tounge and hopped off the roof. With a dagger in each hand, he shot through the crowd of adventurers or passerby's, all scared for their lives. His hands moved in a blur as he took down victim after victim. From behind him, his brother picked off prey with his bow.
As he drew back his 10th arrow, the butt of a scythe rammed roughly into his back, pushing him off the inn. He dropped his scythe and focused on making his landing as soft as possible. With that finished, he stood up, groaned lightly, and brushed off his head. Eashe paused, looking back to observe the scene. Leaving the crowd behind, he ran to his brothers aid.
"Rai, are you okay?!" He shouted as he stopped next to his brother and examined him. When Rai assured his brother he was okay, they both scanned the roof, finding no trace of a scythe wielder. Annoyed, Eashe rose his foot, ready to stop the dirt beneath him. But before he could even begin to descend his limb, a scythe came from under him. The blade was a dark grey, released from a dragon's mouth. It swung under Eashe's unprepared figure and caught his foot easily. A little yank was all it took to bring Eashe's figure down in the dirt. The man wielding the scythe raised his weapon, and held it at Eashe's neck, and then proceeded to put a foot up on the rogue's unfortunate chest. He pushed down, and Eashe groaned and coughed, but he couldn't resist.
"Ah- STOP IT!" Rai exclaimed, his voice cracking with fear. He had never seen Eashe taken down so easily.
Ah... No, I can't think like that! He drew and arrow from his quiver and held it like a short spear. His foot slid forwards and he lunged at the man, only to have his arm caught in air. The man's head slowly turned, showing only his annoyed mouth, as the rest was covered by a dark hood.
"You shut up," He mumbled; with that happy note, he squeezed Rai's arm and pushed it upwards, breaking it like a twig. Rai screamed in pain and dropped to the ground, his arm laying limp on the ground, bent in a disgusting manner. The man stared at Rai's limp figure for a moment, and grinned evilly. "Pesky brat..."
Turning back to Eashe, who had tears streaming down his face, and cheeks flushed with anger, he rose his scythe from the rogue's neck. With the glorious scythe in the air, it gleamed in the sunlight, only to be dirtied by the blood that was discarded after he swung it back down, into Eashe's neck.
His body went limp, and his breathing slowed to a halt. Rai froze, silent, taking in what had just happened. He began to mumble, before starting to scream at the top of his lungs, in a mixture between anger, sadness, and out right insanity. The man looked down at Rai and frowned. He took the butt of his scythe and closed Rai's mouth gently, making him shut up.
"Now you listen here. Be grateful I didn't kill you. You'll wake up in a day or so.. Sweet dreams" His voice was low and cracked quite a lot, once you really got to listen to it. The man sighed, raised his scythe, and bashed Rai on the side of his head, knocking him out. With his deed done, he walked calmly out into the forest, leaving the two bodies behind.
As he walked through the forest, his conscience nagged at him, telling him what he was doing was wrong. But he shut it out, muttering to himself as he walked.
"It's all about the grand scheme of things... God wants the ones who have strayed away from his judgment dead. They don't deserve life if they disobey the one who gave it to them..." He wasn't sure if what he was doing was right, but there was no turning back. Every day, he went through a battle with his judgment and his loyalty. Strapping his scythe onto his back, he continued through the forest, repeating the same phrase over and over again.
====
Blah blah, how's that? e.e
Its a little rough around the edges, but you are easily approved. I would recommend trying out for the ARP. ~Xusha
/cool
Alright *Cracks Knuckles* Let's do this... Ummm... I'll find a character... Meh, what the heck, I'll make one up! It's a quicky about Eashe and Rai, brothers who venture from town to town, killing off adventurers, and a scythe master who controls the element of electricity.
---
A cold breeze whipped across Battleon, leaving a wary sense of danger on everyone in the town. Movement was slow and careful, and unnaturally quiet for a stop filled with adventurers. While everyone walked about at a crawling pace, people could wonder what was happening. Yet all at once, their question could be answered by two, young rogues.
They stood at the top of Yulgar's inn, sipping on berry mugs absently. One was polishing his jet black daggers while he drank, while the other was stringing his bow. They seemed innocent enough, though they did have an unhealthy glow around them, as if there was a higher, more evil presence watching over them. The first of the two finished his mug, set it down, and observed his daggers for a moment. He mumbled out a prayer of his god, and stood up.
A blast of wind met him as he stood, and his leather armor rippled. The sheathes that would hold his daggers shifted with the wind, mimicking the movements his short brown hair was making. A strand fell over his face, and covered one eye, which he lazily brushed away, staring at the town beneath him. The second rogue looked up, remarking his partner had stood. He followed suit, unfinished berry mug in one hand, newly strung bow in the other. He wore no shirt, but his body was covered in white bandages. He wore baggy black shorts which flowed out in the wind. His hair was buzzed off, showing off his dark, gray eyes. A quiver was slung around his back, undisturbed by the wind that had since passed.
They both paused for one moment, observing the town in silence, before the first rogue sighed and broke the silence.
"Shame, I just cleaned my daggers..."
With that, an arrow was drawn and the string of his bow loaded and pulled back. The tip of the arrow was aimed with precision towards a random man in the crowd. The rogue let the arrow go, and one second later, a thud sounded, and the entire area went silent. Within a second, another arrow was let loose, and a second thud sounded. At this point, the area had recovered from it's daze, and began running away screaming. A third arrow was loaded, and the string drew back, before the two rogues met eyes. Without letting the arrow move an inch, he spoke.
"Well, get going Eashe.." He mumbled smugly. Eashe stuck out his tounge and hopped off the roof. With a dagger in each hand, he shot through the crowd of adventurers or passerby's, all scared for their lives. His hands moved in a blur as he took down victim after victim. From behind him, his brother picked off prey with his bow.
As he drew back his 10th arrow, the butt of a scythe rammed roughly into his back, pushing him off the inn. He dropped his scythe and focused on making his landing as soft as possible. With that finished, he stood up, groaned lightly, and brushed off his head. Eashe paused, looking back to observe the scene. Leaving the crowd behind, he ran to his brothers aid.
"Rai, are you okay?!" He shouted as he stopped next to his brother and examined him. When Rai assured his brother he was okay, they both scanned the roof, finding no trace of a scythe wielder. Annoyed, Eashe rose his foot, ready to stop the dirt beneath him. But before he could even begin to descend his limb, a scythe came from under him. The blade was a dark grey, released from a dragon's mouth. It swung under Eashe's unprepared figure and caught his foot easily. A little yank was all it took to bring Eashe's figure down in the dirt. The man wielding the scythe raised his weapon, and held it at Eashe's neck, and then proceeded to put a foot up on the rogue's unfortunate chest. He pushed down, and Eashe groaned and coughed, but he couldn't resist.
"Ah- STOP IT!" Rai exclaimed, his voice cracking with fear. He had never seen Eashe taken down so easily.
Ah... No, I can't think like that! He drew and arrow from his quiver and held it like a short spear. His foot slid forwards and he lunged at the man, only to have his arm caught in air. The man's head slowly turned, showing only his annoyed mouth, as the rest was covered by a dark hood.
"You shut up," He mumbled; with that happy note, he squeezed Rai's arm and pushed it upwards, breaking it like a twig. Rai screamed in pain and dropped to the ground, his arm laying limp on the ground, bent in a disgusting manner. The man stared at Rai's limp figure for a moment, and grinned evilly. "Pesky brat..."
Turning back to Eashe, who had tears streaming down his face, and cheeks flushed with anger, he rose his scythe from the rogue's neck. With the glorious scythe in the air, it gleamed in the sunlight, only to be dirtied by the blood that was discarded after he swung it back down, into Eashe's neck.
His body went limp, and his breathing slowed to a halt. Rai froze, silent, taking in what had just happened. He began to mumble, before starting to scream at the top of his lungs, in a mixture between anger, sadness, and out right insanity. The man looked down at Rai and frowned. He took the butt of his scythe and closed Rai's mouth gently, making him shut up.
"Now you listen here. Be grateful I didn't kill you. You'll wake up in a day or so.. Sweet dreams" His voice was low and cracked quite a lot, once you really got to listen to it. The man sighed, raised his scythe, and bashed Rai on the side of his head, knocking him out. With his deed done, he walked calmly out into the forest, leaving the two bodies behind.
As he walked through the forest, his conscience nagged at him, telling him what he was doing was wrong. But he shut it out, muttering to himself as he walked.
"It's all about the grand scheme of things... God wants the ones who have strayed away from his judgment dead. They don't deserve life if they disobey the one who gave it to them..." He wasn't sure if what he was doing was right, but there was no turning back. Every day, he went through a battle with his judgment and his loyalty. Strapping his scythe onto his back, he continued through the forest, repeating the same phrase over and over again.
====
Blah blah, how's that? e.e
Its a little rough around the edges, but you are easily approved. I would recommend trying out for the ARP. ~Xusha
Tim Hortans- CaffeinatedDepression
- Zard:
Number of posts: 337
User Points: 9821
Location: Riding through 3 meters of snow on my polar bear, wearing the new toque I just bought. -
Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by wwwtoy on Mon Jul 12, 2010 5:19 am
Well-I will probably fail but here it goes.
------------------------------------------------
January 9th,2056
As the frozen wind blew and the moon hung in the sky,an Okami ran through the white snow. It charged at Toy, ripping his cloak. As he stood up the silver, shapeshifting wolf lunged at him again. Toy dodged and casted a fireball. The wolf howled loudly then fainted. Toy then made a silver-black cloak out of the wolf's fur.
January 20th,2056
After eleven days in the cold,white snow,Toy found his way out of the snowy lands. When he got out,he found a waterfall with three yokais. A kappa,an okami, and a kitsune. The Kitsune shot a few fireballs at Toy, while the okami lunged at him, while the kappa shot a water stream. Toy took out his bumblebee colored blade. He sliced through Kitsune. The Kappa hid in his shell and defended the attack. Toy unleashed a spark of electricity on the waterfall, shocking the yokais. He then slew them one by one
January 29th,2056
After 9 days,he found a stronghold with golden letters saying "TR". As he entered the grey fortress he saw large amounts of people. A person named "Weena" asked who Toy was. He responded and told him about his past and his relation to the Yokais. After that,he was welcomed to TR.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Well,thats it. Hope I didnt do too poorly.
The person reading this will probably go like this because of the horribleness.
------------------------------------------------
January 9th,2056
As the frozen wind blew and the moon hung in the sky,an Okami ran through the white snow. It charged at Toy, ripping his cloak. As he stood up the silver, shapeshifting wolf lunged at him again. Toy dodged and casted a fireball. The wolf howled loudly then fainted. Toy then made a silver-black cloak out of the wolf's fur.
January 20th,2056
After eleven days in the cold,white snow,Toy found his way out of the snowy lands. When he got out,he found a waterfall with three yokais. A kappa,an okami, and a kitsune. The Kitsune shot a few fireballs at Toy, while the okami lunged at him, while the kappa shot a water stream. Toy took out his bumblebee colored blade. He sliced through Kitsune. The Kappa hid in his shell and defended the attack. Toy unleashed a spark of electricity on the waterfall, shocking the yokais. He then slew them one by one
January 29th,2056
After 9 days,he found a stronghold with golden letters saying "TR". As he entered the grey fortress he saw large amounts of people. A person named "Weena" asked who Toy was. He responded and told him about his past and his relation to the Yokais. After that,he was welcomed to TR.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Well,thats it. Hope I didnt do too poorly.
The person reading this will probably go like this because of the horribleness.
wwwtoy- PVP Hex Bunny
- Zard:
Number of posts: 1000
User Points: 30401
Age: 1951
Location: In UG Shibuya trying to beat the final boss -
Re: Approval for Intermediate Role-playing
by Tom Van Dam on Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:56 pm
Tom Van Dam
In a maximum security cell somewhere in the desert slept Tom Van Dam.
An ex government special agent turned thief. He had been captured trying to break in to a highly secure government base in the jungle. He was a desperate and dying man due to the numerous infections he
caught in the jungle which the jungle base did not have the capacity to remedy.
"Van Dam!" a guard barked "You have visitors, clean yourself up!"
"I will when you will jerk!" he barked back fiercely.
"Mr Van Dam I assume?" The softness of this new voice caught Tom off guard
"Yeah that's me" he replied as he stood up and went over to the bars
of his cell "Who wants to know?"
"You may call me Miss Way"
"You got a first name to go with that?"
"That Mr Van Dam, is on a need to know basis"
"Well then why are you here?"
"I'm here to offer you a chance to live."
Tom's eyes suddenly looked up directly at hers
"What?" he said in disbeleif
"I can get you out of here and get you treated Mr Van Dam" she replied
"Whats the catch?"
".....when you are released you will see Mr Van Dam"
Tom thought about what he had just heard. He had resigned himself to death in the dark, hot, smelly prison cell he had called home for the past month and here was this lady offering him a way out.
"Deal Miss Way. You have yourself a deal."
"So we have a deal Mr Van Dam? I didn't think it would be this easy"
"Yes and for God's sake call me Tom"
"As you wish, now as I was saying Tom back in civiisation we have a problem..some how a highly dangerous virus has been exposed to the general public causing them to become...how should I say...zombie-like"
"Zombies?"
"Yes Zombies."
"Oh joy."
"Yes and the Government wants them exterminated."
"So why do you need me?"
"I'll explain that momentairily but 1st go get yourself cleaned up you've had a hard few weeks Tom."
As the mysterious woman said this the bars on Tom's prison cell opened up and two men came and escorted him out of the cell into a waiting jet. A maid came and gave him a towel and his clothes he had been captured in freshly washed and dried.
"The bathroom is this way Sir." the maid said as Tom smirked to himself about how lucky he was to be alive and that he was gonna get a chance to do what he loved best and steal something expensive. Or so he thought.
After a long, refreshing bath and a shave Tom Van Dam looked like a new man. His hair was no longer dirty, long and tangled it was pristine, tidy and a more reasonable length. As he put on his signature padded royal blue "I'M AWESOME" shirt and specially designed blue jeans with hidden pockets and easy move tech he started to feel relaxed for the first time in months. There was a knock on
the door the maid's voice came from the other side of it.
"Sir, Miss Way requests you hurry up because this is rather urgent."
(TBC if I get approved kthxbai)
K, well it seems fine to me, apart from a few spelling and punctuation errors. A few more commas to help the flow of reading, maybe a semicolon or two, and I'd say it's great. It's odd how sentences skip to new lines sometimes, so try not to do that in future. Approved. ~Chamb
Any better layout wise?
In a maximum security cell somewhere in the desert slept Tom Van Dam.
An ex government special agent turned thief. He had been captured trying to break in to a highly secure government base in the jungle. He was a desperate and dying man due to the numerous infections he
caught in the jungle which the jungle base did not have the capacity to remedy.
"Van Dam!" a guard barked "You have visitors, clean yourself up!"
"I will when you will jerk!" he barked back fiercely.
"Mr Van Dam I assume?" The softness of this new voice caught Tom off guard
"Yeah that's me" he replied as he stood up and went over to the bars
of his cell "Who wants to know?"
"You may call me Miss Way"
"You got a first name to go with that?"
"That Mr Van Dam, is on a need to know basis"
"Well then why are you here?"
"I'm here to offer you a chance to live."
Tom's eyes suddenly looked up directly at hers
"What?" he said in disbeleif
"I can get you out of here and get you treated Mr Van Dam" she replied
"Whats the catch?"
".....when you are released you will see Mr Van Dam"
Tom thought about what he had just heard. He had resigned himself to death in the dark, hot, smelly prison cell he had called home for the past month and here was this lady offering him a way out.
"Deal Miss Way. You have yourself a deal."
"So we have a deal Mr Van Dam? I didn't think it would be this easy"
"Yes and for God's sake call me Tom"
"As you wish, now as I was saying Tom back in civiisation we have a problem..some how a highly dangerous virus has been exposed to the general public causing them to become...how should I say...zombie-like"
"Zombies?"
"Yes Zombies."
"Oh joy."
"Yes and the Government wants them exterminated."
"So why do you need me?"
"I'll explain that momentairily but 1st go get yourself cleaned up you've had a hard few weeks Tom."
As the mysterious woman said this the bars on Tom's prison cell opened up and two men came and escorted him out of the cell into a waiting jet. A maid came and gave him a towel and his clothes he had been captured in freshly washed and dried.
"The bathroom is this way Sir." the maid said as Tom smirked to himself about how lucky he was to be alive and that he was gonna get a chance to do what he loved best and steal something expensive. Or so he thought.
After a long, refreshing bath and a shave Tom Van Dam looked like a new man. His hair was no longer dirty, long and tangled it was pristine, tidy and a more reasonable length. As he put on his signature padded royal blue "I'M AWESOME" shirt and specially designed blue jeans with hidden pockets and easy move tech he started to feel relaxed for the first time in months. There was a knock on
the door the maid's voice came from the other side of it.
"Sir, Miss Way requests you hurry up because this is rather urgent."
(TBC if I get approved kthxbai)
K, well it seems fine to me, apart from a few spelling and punctuation errors. A few more commas to help the flow of reading, maybe a semicolon or two, and I'd say it's great. It's odd how sentences skip to new lines sometimes, so try not to do that in future. Approved. ~Chamb
Any better layout wise?
Last edited by Tom Van Dam on Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:46 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : extended)
Tom Van Dam,
Tom Van Dam- New Member
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Number of posts: 48
User Points: 314
Age: 16
Location: Six Feet Under The Starz -
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