Ultimate TR story discussion

All right, then.

On the positive side, it's very well-written, nice sentence flow and imagery. The humor and drama contrast quite readably with each other. All in all, it strikes me as a strong premise and a good execution.

There are, of course, a few places in which it could be improved. The issue that stands out most immediately to me is that letters seem to have absented themselves from your text at random; this is not precisely desirable for obvious reasons. For instance, I have no choice but to assume that your character is still in the middle of speaking, given the absence of ending quotation marks. Other than such small mechanical errors, I don't really see anything obviously wrong.

I'm interested to see where this story goes!