The Riveting Tales of Unimaginatively Named Characters.

Obvious Spinoff of The Wild Adventures of Unimaginatively Named Characters.

We start in a conference room, where Nuke, Lucas, Skate, Nerve, and Anna are discussing corporate matters.

Nuke: I demand that we do X, Y, and Z.
Lucas: What?
Lucas: Sometimes, Nuke, I wonder how you think...
Anna: Why did I let you nag me into marrying you?
Nerve: Because he could.
Anna: Right whatever.
Skate: :(
Nuke: ORDER IN THE COURT!!!
Skate: Where's your gavel?
Nuke: ANNA, SEND FOR A GAVEL.
Anna: Sure.

Anna calls on her phone for a gavel.

Anna: Done.
Lucas: Nuke, I don't understand why you don't have a phone.
Nuke: Home phones are adequate for me, I don't need to waste money on such things!
Lucas: You even got an unnecessarily tall tower to show off that you're ridiculously rich! This thing is 1100 meters high! Do you realize how high that is!?
Nuke: Yes and it's worth it. But a cell phone!? Nonsense!
Anna: Nuke, what the hell is wrong with you?
Nuke: IN ANY CASE, I DEMAND X, Y, AND Z.
Lucas, Skate, and Anna: What are X, Y, and Z!?
Nuke: I don't know yet! My concepts that I want developed into something huge for today! That's what they are!
Nerve: This is silly, I demand popcorn.

Anna calls for popcorn on her phone.
sovietTactician walks in, gives Nuke a gavel, and gives Nerve popcorn.

Nerve: This is most excellent. Omnomnomnom

sovietTactician pulls out Giga Pudding and serves it to Anna.

Anna: What? Can't a girl love pudding?
Nuke: Yes. Because you are obviously the most attractive person in this room.
Anna: Yes, obviously.
Nuke: ALRIGHT NOW LET'S DISCUSS PROFITS!

He has a giant profits and expenses chart go onto the table, which apparently also doubles as a computer screen.

Nuke: WE HAVE ONLY MADE ONE MILL ($0.001), NET!!! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
Lucas: It's because you bought this tower.
Nuke: wat
Anna: Nuke, I think you're reading the chart-
Nuke: Of course I'm reading the chart correctly!
Anna: ...Wrong, dangit! Let me speak!
Nuke: Sorry Anna.
Anna: No fun for you tonight! You're punished!
Nuke: =(
Skate: I propose we set up a lemonade stand in Stiveland with foods that give absurd FSPs! All in favor?
Nuke: Aye.
Anna: I'm not selling myself.
Lucas: Whaa?
Nerve: This sounds like trolling. Yes.
Skate: Then it's settled.
Lucas: No. That idea is silly. We don't even have the money for lemonade. We spent it all on an absurdly large tower.
Anna: Why do you want to squeeze me for beverages? :(
Skate: Will we go into medicine then?
Lucas: No, we are not going into spambot production.
Nerve: I don't care, I don't even use my 10%. Nuke, you have it.
Nuke: No thanks, Nerve.
Nerve: But I don't want the Russian Mafia after me. You have it.
All else: wat.

After a seemingly long period of silence...

Nuke: I just got news...
Anna: What news? Even more curiously, how did you get this news?
Nuke: TELEPATHY, OF COURSE!
Anna: ...Right.
Nuke: Robaldo has risen.
Lucas, Skate: Who?
Nuke: Our old second-in-command, who I threw out for being inactive.
Anna: Do I vaguely remember him?
Nerve: I want a line!
Nuke: There, you got a line.
Lucas: Was I even around when Rob was?
Nuke: Yes, actually you and Anna were.
Lucas: How long has it been since he was active?
Nuke: Uhh...Ok, he was around, but he was most active before October 2009, and then we had a weekend of him being back in March 2010. Good?
Lucas: Fine.
Anna: WHATEVER MAN!
Nuke: He'll join us in a few days for a meeting.
Anna: WHATEVER MAN!
Nuke: Next...

The projection of the chart on the table is replaced with a guy's face. He laughs.

Nuke: Get out of my table, Kai.
Kai: Shut up, you pathetic little brat! I'm the best bro in the world and you know that!
Nuke: Shut up with your rap.
Kai: What? You afraid of the tough guy? I'm so tough that I can be tough on the internet!
Nuke: Right.
Anna: No one cares about you.
Lucas: Really, we don't care about your trolling.
Skate: Internet tough guys are lame.
Nerve: This popcorn is so good!
Nuke: That's right, Nerve!
Nerve: Extra butter!
Nuke: Yes.
Kai: I'm not getting enough attention!
Nuke: Shut up.
Kai: No you shut up!
Nuke: I can shut you up right now.
Kai: Oh really? HOW?
Nuke: No more lines for you!

Nuke unplugs the table before he responds.

Nuke: Yes.
Anna: That was actually pretty good.
Lucas: Yeah, now we can actually talk instead of put up with that guy.
Nerve: Oh, that was just getting good!
Anna: Shut up Nerve.
Nuke: Sorry, Nerve.
sovietTactician: Guys, there's a helicopter trying to get into the tower's hangar.
Nuke: I'll be there immediately. All of you, follow.

They go up to the Hangar and find, to no surprise, that Kai bought a helicopter to try fighting them.

Nuke: Kai, when will you ever grow up?
Nuke: Wait, nevermind, you don't get lines.

He slaps duct tape onto his mouth and punches him.
Kai attempts to beat Nuke up.

Anna: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT HIM UP.

Anna beats him up so badly that he stops breathing.

Anna: Excellent, you are no longer breathing.
Nerve: Ha ha!
Real Kai: That was a decoy!
Nuke: You got a line.
Nuke: Prepare to pay me millions to billions, starting with all of your worldly possessions.
Fake Kai: Why did I volunteer for this?!
Nerve: For the lulz.
Skate: The lulz, it is the only reason one ever does anything!
Nuke, Anna: Obviously, for the lulz.
Lucas: You people are creepy.
Soviet Tactician: I just changed my name! Now I want to change it to Xenothral.
Nuke: Done. Twice. For the lulz.
Xenothral: Aww yeah.
Nuke: Yes.
Kai: Why do I never get the attention I deserve?

Kai rages.

Nuke: Because no one cares about you. No one considers you important.
Kai: Really!? Maybe you'll care about this!

Kai shoots Nuke. But the bullet fails to even hurt him because it's defective.

Anna, Nuke: You're silly.
Anna, Nuke: That was also quite pathetic.
Nerve: Why are you two speaking like that?
Anna, Nuke: Because we can.
Nerve: I demand that Sarah do this with me.
Sarah, Nerve: How is this occurring? She's not even nearby, she's across Europe from here right now.
Sarah: I have no idea, I'm a voice in your head that no one else hears.
Nerve: OH MY GOD I'M GOING INSANE!
Sarah: Yep.

Nerve panics and kicks Kai in his lower area.

Kai: *shrieks of pain*
Anna: *laughter*
Nuke: Kai, what have we learned here?
Kai *tears*: That you're evil?
Nuke: No.
Anna, Nuke: That no one messes with us.
Nuke: And not the unicorn with an udder.
Anna: Of course not that. Though Kai looks like an Alot.
Nuke: Yeah, he does look like an Alot, doesn't he?

Kai looks up Alot and cries.

Kai: Am I really that ugly?
Anna, Nuke: Yes, you are that ugly. And we know. Because one of us is a girl. And girls know everything.
Kai: YOU PEOPLE ARE CREEPIER THAN I COULD HAVE IMAGINED, I'M OUT OF HERE!

Kai flies out and then away to a distant land.

Anna, Nuke: We're going to get him, and make him pay us for our lost time.
Lucas: This is terrifying.
Anna, Nuke: What is terrifying?

Lucas and Skate run to their rooms.

Nerve: Epic.
Nerve: Win.
Anna, Nuke: We think we'll just talk like this for the rest of the week.







[align=center]Chapter One: Over.[/align]

We start in a conference room, where Anna, Nuke, and Robaldo are discussing his return to Nukia.

Anna, Nuke: We're sitting on chairs, spinning in them, and leaning back at 50 degree angles. Do you not think we look serious?
Rob: Of course you look-
Anna, Nuke: Of course we look silly.
Rob: Of course!
Rob, in thought: Oh wow that was unexpected.
Anna, Nuke: We can read your thoughts.
Rob: How?
Anna, Nuke: Okay, only one of us can. But you don't know who!
Rob: I bet it's Nuke.
Anna, Nuke: You bet wrong. We were kidding.
Rob: Oh come on!
Anna, Nuke: Alright, so what are your skills?
Rob: Beer and knives. You are aware of this, Nuke.
Anna, Nuke: That's Anna and Nuke to you.
Rob: But Anna doesn't even know me!
Anna, Nuke: Alright, we'll give you that one.
Rob: This is getting slightly creepy.
Anna, Nuke: Of course this is creepy. You have only beer and knives as skills.
Rob: Ok fine. Can I run the brewery?
Anna, Nuke: Brewery, bar, forge, and a store for all of it, and you've got a deal.
Rob: Alright. I'll do all of it. What's my pay?
Anna, Nuke: No pay, you slave now.
Rob: Are you serious?
Anna, Nuke: Nope. You get $39.95, no more no less.
Rob: How often?
Anna, Nuke: Whenever one of us feels like it.
Rob: WHATEVER MAN!
Anna, Nuke: Good. Deal struck. Your subsidiary is to be called "Robannuke Weapons and Alcohol Inc." and it is to be divided into two parts.
Rob: Do I get one?
Anna, Nuke: Yes. 39.95% of the stock. And NukiaCorp will keep the rest.
Rob: I thought I got $39.95 whenever one of you felt like it?
Anna, Nuke: We just improved your deal. Deal with it.
Rob: I will indeed deal with it.
Anna, Nuke: Alright. Go to your Room, #139.
Rob: Did you just give me my member ID?
Anna, Nuke: It doubles as your room number.
Rob: Right.
Anna, Nuke: You should go there. Now.
Rob: Ok.
Anna, Nuke: Thank you.

Ran Xun barges in.

Ran Xun: I hereby claim this city in the name of the Communist Party of the People's Republic of China!
Anna, Nuke: On what grounds?
Ran Xun: 中國，當然！
Anna, Nuke: The word China gives you no power under international law with which to seize control over our territory.
Ran Xun: Oh yeah?!
Anna, Nuke: Oh yeah!
Ran Xun: Well, I'm the PRESIDENT OF THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA, ITS COMMUNIST PARTY GENERAL SECRETARY, ITS CENTRAL MILITARY COMMISSION CHAIRMAN, AND IT'S PARAMOUNT LEADER!
Anna, Nuke: And I'm still more successful than you.
Ran Xun: I'm better than Nuke at least.
Anna, Nuke: That may be true, but Anna still beats you out.
Ran Xun: Yes. She does. What does that have to do with any-

Anna slaps Ran Xun.

Ran Xun: Ok, that was uncalled for!
Anna, Nuke: So what?
Ran Xun: You're a youyou.
Anna, Nuke: WHATEVER MAN!
Ran Xun: My airships are boarding the tower as we speak! Ha ha ha!

Lucas walks in.

Lucas: What the hell is going on in this tower? There are Chinese guys everywhere.
Anna, Nuke: See Ran Xun? She's going to work for us soon.
Lucas, Ran Xun: wat
Anna, Nuke: As Head of the Chinese Management Division, yes.
Lucas, Ran Xun: WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Anna, Nuke: Yes.
Lucas, Ran Xun: Why are we speaking together like this?
Anna, Nuke: No clue. Somehow.
Lucas, Ran Xun: Is this permanent?
Anna, Nuke: Not sure.
Lucas: C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!
Ran Xun: Wow, that didn't last long! Thank Mao!
Lucas: Communist.
Anna, Nuke: Yes, she will require...
Lucas: Oh come on...
Anna, Nuke: Rehabilitation.
Lucas: .-.
Anna, Nuke: First, however, we must capture them all in a peace meeting.

Anna&Nuke activate the intercom system and tell all the Chinese people to go to the conference room.

Anna, Nuke: You are all now employees of NukiaCorp.

They all get teleported to new houses in the City of New Moscow.

Ran Xun: How in Mao's name did you do that?
Anna, Nuke: The power of Lulz.
Ran Xun: Right. So I still lead China?
Anna, Nuke: No, we lead China. You are simply a figurehead; oh, and you are the ASSISTANT HEAD OF THE ART DEPARTMENT. HA HA!
Ran Xun: You can't be serious. Assistant?
Anna, Nuke: One of us is the Head of the Art Department, so you can't be that, naturally.
Ran Xun: WHATEVER MAN!
Anna, Nuke: Your room number is 193. Go find it, you.
Ran Xun: Right. Where is it?
Anna, Nuke: Go find it yourself, freeloader.
Ran Xun: ...
Anna, Nuke: *hysterical laughter*
Ran Xun: Sudden realization.
Anna, Nuke: What?
Ran Xun: I'm Russian.
Anna, Nuke: We knew this already.
Ran Xun: Yeah, I know!
Anna, Nuke: Want a new name with your new life as a Russian?
Ran Xun: Yes. Xusha.
Anna, Nuke: Done.
Xusha: This is most excellent.
Anna, Nuke: This chapter needs to be a bit longer.
Xusha: WHATEVER MAN!







[align=center]Chapter Two: Over.[/align]